Often, Christians focus too much on being loving and unselfish to the point they tread over the limits and responsibilities.
Boundaries, a personal property line, are necessary for a healthy and balanced lifestyle (physical, emotional, and spiritual).
Boundaries: when to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life offers insights on how to set boundaries and navigate relationships as a Christianity.
Overview of Boundaries By Henry Cloud.
One sentence summary: Boundaries: when to say Yes, how to say No to take control of your life is a Christian self-help book that contains helpful information on how to build and rebuild effective boundaries that facilitate the creation and sustenance of meaningful, lovable, and respectable relationships.
Introduction to Boundaries by Henry Cloud
- Boundaries exist, and they will affect us, whether or not we communicate them.
- Limits on good things, keep them good.
John Townsend and Dr. Henry Townsend are the authors of Boundaries. Not only are they doctorate degree holders in clinical psychology, but they also have deep insight into the complex subject of boundaries. The duo partner up beautifully in this one to serve self-help tips to Christians who want to learn to develop boundaries.
What are boundaries?
Boundaries are personal markers that indicate ownership and by extension responsibility. They could be physical, mental, emotional, or even spiritual.
However they come, boundaries define. They provide clarity on what is and what is not.
In the freedom of thought, the warm hug of a friend, the refusal to breach a moral code of conduct, or the distinguished holiness of God, we see the effect of boundaries.
Perhaps, boundaries are even more pertinent in our daily interaction across marital, work, parental, and personal relationships. It can be an instrument of truth. A litmus test for the quality of our relationships we see as we learn more about Boundaries.
Principles and driving ideas of Boundaries by Henry Cloud.
1. Ownership and Responsibility.
Fundamentally, boundaries delineate. They mark out and define ownership.
Inevitably we become responsible for what we own or are obligated to care for. Your emotions, behavior, words, beliefs, choices, resources, and thoughts are your responsibilities because they emerge from within you.
Many Christians have unbiblical views of responsibility. They misconceived being responsible for self as being self-centered. Knowing the difference between being responsible for and being responsible to is crucial to living out the life Christ has called us to.
2. A good boundary
A good boundary is one that is adaptable, and continuously changing to ensure safety and growth. It ought to be strong enough to keep out the bad yet permeable enough to let in the good.
As boundary keepers, we must recognize when we are refusing good into our lives, and why. And also learn to open ourselves back to the good that exists around us.
A good boundary allows us to trust, express vulnerability, and choose to extend our resources to responsible colleagues, peers, and partners.
How do we develop a boundary according to Henry cloud?
According to Dr. Henry Cloud, Boundaries are not inherited, they are built. Even though boundaries are built naturally as a child develops, we can still adopt the same principles when constructing or repairing new ones much later in life.
Here’s how to develop a boundary according to the Henry Cloud’s Boundary;
- Becoming aware of your boundarylessness
- Realize the resistance
- Seek and plugin into God and godly relationships
- Communicate your needs within a trusted space so you receive the needed support.
- Let go of toxic relationships, move on from hurt
- When ready, reiterate your stand in a peaceable manner.
3. The words, ‘yes’ and ‘no’
Words can be markers of boundaries.
‘Yes,’ and ‘No’ are boundary words. They communicate our boundaries and hold us responsible for them.
It is important that our words and actions always reflect our hearts from which the issues of life flow. When they do, we stay true to our godly nature which puts us in a position to enjoy life.
Concerning boundaries, when our words are genuine, the boundaries we build last and we enjoy the benefits of establishing them. Because we stay true to our words, we allow our boundaries to hold fast.
4. The laws of boundaries.
Boundaries are a core component of lifestyle that relates to self-care touching facets of identity, and relationships across various aspects of life.
We must understand how they relate to spiritual principles already operating within this world. Lest we face the impact and consequences of not walking in their accord.
The authors, Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend elucidate ten principles that influence the life we experience and urge us to learn them.
Who is it for
Boundaries: when to say Yes, how to say No to take control of your life contains information that helps its readers debunk myths, build and rebuild effective boundaries, avoid and resolve boundary conflicts that may arise in our relationships with God, friends, spouse, children, superiors, and colleagues.
Henry Cloud’s Boundaries is for you if;
- You feel like no one respects your boundaries. People tend to take advantage of your genuine kindheartedness and you want to learn to stand up for yourself because it’s costing you your joy.
- You take up responsibilities that aren’t yours and end up burning yourself out just to please people and win their approval(or love) which never happens anyway.
- You are a Christian who hasn’t been taught the spiritual principles that govern aspects of life such as our relationships
- You are a young Christian who has been falsely indoctrinated into believing that you have to repent of your emotions, never talk about how you feel, or confront anyone because that would be “selfish” or “Arrogant”
- You need answers to questions such as Can I set limits and still be a loving Christian, Is it selfish to have boundaries?
- A person struggling with negative habits and addictions and want to put a lid on it