In times past, Men who were inspired by the Spirit of God wrote about God, mankind, and their shared relationship across history.
In these literary texts are stories, writings, and funny bible quotes that are relatable to you and I. They also capture the idiosyncrasies of both God and the Human race. To date, these men and women, well within their rights, are revered as leaders who made both Kingdom and earthly impact.
Within this blog post, you will find a list of funny bible verses laced with humor types from dark humor to human folly, curated from years of personal bible reading and research. You can expect to find some of the rarest and, possibly, the funniest bible verses there is.
Fingers crossed; this could be your best read of the day.
Funny Bible Verses taken out of context.
In this section, we will explore some classic verses that are really funny when taken out of context.
Exodus 32:9 NCV.
The LORD said to Moses, “I have seen these people, and I know that they are very stubborn.
If God, who is immeasurably patient, says you are stubborn. Trust me, you are hitting superior levels of stubbornness. He foreknew they would test his patience.
Genesis 19:5-10 ESV
“And they called to Lot, ‘Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, that we may know them.’
Lot went out to the men at the entrance, shut the door after him, and said, ‘I beg you, my brothers, do not act so wickedly.’
But they said, ‘Stand back!’ And they said, ‘This fellow came to sojourn, and he has become the judge! Now we will deal worse with you than with them.’ Then they pressed hard against the man Lot, and drew near to break the door down.”
This is one of the most inappropriate funny bible verses. The depravity showcased in this encounter is so flagrant. Such drive. It is a weird one still. May I never find myself in such a situation.
1 Timothy 5:13 [NLT]
And if they are on the list, they will learn to be lazy and will spend their time gossiping from house to house, meddling in other people’s business and talking about things they shouldn’t.
Humans really don’t change much. This is a sure bet for both the ladies of old and modern times. Premium Gist and Hot Gossip are like kryptonite to Ladies.
1 Timothy 5:15
For I am afraid that some of them have already gone astray and now follow Satan.
It is over. C’est fini
Exodus 32:22-24
“And Aaron said, ‘Let not the anger of my lord burn hot. You know the people, that they are set on evil. For they said to me, “Make us gods who shall go before us. As for this Moses, the man who brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him.”‘”
Commentary: Aaron is trying to save his neck or face by excusing his wrongdoing with man’s stony-heartedness.
This is one of those funny bible passages where you can almost hear the nervous stuttering as Aaron tries to explain away the golden calf incident.
Mark 9:33-34
“After they arrived at Capernaum and settled in a house, Jesus asked his disciples, ‘What were you discussing out on the road?’ But they didn’t answer, because they had been arguing about which of them was the greatest.”
The disciples caught in a childish argument about who’s the best—by JESUS himself! The silence that connotes wrongdoing and prevents scolding.
Mark 14:50-52
Then everyone deserted him and fled. A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving his garment behind.
You won’t hear this in Sunday School. “Mehn, my life flashed before my eyes,” he thought.
Suppose you find yourself in a similar situation; Run! Consider nothing else till you are safe.
Genesis 32:24-26
So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.
I can only imagine just how bad Jacob needed that blessing. Talk about Sheer persistence and undying commitment.
Matthew 26:70
“But he denied it before them all. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he said.”
Peter’s quick denial of Jesus is both heartbreaking and relatable. We’ve all had those moments where our words get ahead of our faith!
Jeremiah 18:20-21
“Should good be repaid with evil? Yet they have dug a pit for me. Remember that I stood before you and spoke in their behalf to turn your wrath away from them. So give their children over to famine; hand them over to the power of the sword. Let their wives be made childless and widows; let their men be put to death, their young men slain by the sword in battle.”
Commentary: Jeremiah was vexed. He had it with people. Thank God God is not man.
This is one of those moments where the prophet goes from pleading for mercy to essentially saying, “You know what? Punish them all!” The emotional whiplash is both funny and deeply human.
2 Samuel 16:7-9
“As he cursed, Shimei said, ‘Get out, get out, you murderer, you scoundrel! The Lord has repaid you for all the blood you shed in the household of Saul, in whose place you have reigned. The Lord has given the kingdom into the hands of your son Absalom. You have come to ruin because you are a murderer!’ Then Abishai son of Zeruiah said to the king, ‘Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over and cut off his head.'”
There’s something darkly funny about Shimei boldly cursing King David, followed immediately by David’s loyal soldier asking for permission to decapitate the man. Talk about escalation!
Funny Bible Verses King James.
The King James Version offers some of the funniest bible quotes with its old English flair and dramatic phrasing:
Proverbs 2:18-19
“For her house inclineth unto death, and her paths unto the dead. None that go unto her return again, neither take they hold of the paths of life.”
Commentary: It is the statistical assurance for me. 100 out of 100 males lured by the forbidden woman meet a dire consequence. So clinically dangerous is her way.
These funny bible proverbs don’t mince words—they’re straight-up saying what happens when you follow temptation!
Ezekiel 4:11-13
KJV: Thou shalt drink also water by measure, the sixth part of an hin: from time to time shalt thou drink. And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight. And the LORD said, Even thus shall the children of Israel eat their defiled bread among the Gentiles, whither I will drive them.
commentary: God pronounces just judgment over Israel and Judah with extreme prejudice. Ezekiel understands that as a descriptive prophet, he has to demonstrate and live out this barrage and onslaught of judgment though minimized and shortened.
Ezekiel 4:14
Then said I, Ah Lord GOD! behold, my soul hath not been polluted: for from my youth up even till now have I not eaten of that which dieth of itself, or is torn in pieces; neither came there abominable flesh into my mouth.
commentary: Ezekiel bursts out in a grieving exclamation. He goes on to plead and negotiate a less punitive demonstration with valid reasons, too. Pity me.
Ezekiel 4:15
KJV: Then he said unto me, Lo, I have given thee cow’s dung for man’s dung, and thou shalt prepare thy bread therewith.
commentary: This verse humorously shows God’s compromise with Ezekiel, allowing him to use cow dung instead of human excrement for baking bread.
Song of Songs 7:4
KJV: Thy neck is as a tower of ivory; thine eyes like the fishpools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bathrabbim: thy nose is as the tower of Lebanon which looketh toward Damascus.
commentary: This poetic description of physical features in Song of Songs can be seen as humorous due to its exaggerated and romanticized nature.
This funny bible verse about love contains some of the most creative compliments ever recorded. Ancient pickup lines were fire! Jotting some things down for myself.
Acts 19:16
And the man in whom the evil spirit was leaped on them, and overcame them, and prevailed against them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded.
One of those ridiculous bible quotes that shows what happens when amateurs try to perform exorcisms—they end up running away naked!
commentary: When you are horsing around with matters you thought you were skillful at but truly don’t fully understand them and then it backfires.
Luke 22:31
And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat:
Jesus casually informs Peter that Satan has specifically requested to test him—talk about an ominous heads-up!
The Message Bible Funny Verses.
The Message translation (MSG) offers some of the most accessible and funny scripture verses in its modern language. Trust to find a few that would resonate.
Diplomatic Disasters and Royal Embarrassments
1 Chronicles 19:4-5 MSG
“So Hanun seized David’s envoys, shaved off half of each man’s beard, cut off their robes at the buttocks, and sent them away. When David was told about this, he sent messengers to meet the men, for they were greatly humiliated. The king said, ‘Stay at Jericho till your beards have grown, and then come back.'”
Half-bearded men with exposed backsides? This has to be one of the silliest bible verses showing ancient diplomatic disasters.
1 Samuel 21:14-15
“So he pretended to be insane in their presence; and while he was in their hands he acted like a madman, making marks on the doors of the gate and letting saliva run down his beard. Achish said to his servants, ‘Look at the man! He is insane! Why bring him to me?'”
David, the mighty warrior king, pretended to be a drooling madman to escape his enemies! Sometimes, the best battle strategy is to act completely bonkers.
1 Samuel 18:11
“Saul hurled the spear at him to pin him to the wall. But David eluded him twice.”
Commentary: Just your average day at the palace—dodging spears thrown by your mentally unstable boss.
There’s something darkly comical about the casual way this verse mentions David dodging not one but TWO murder attempts as if it’s just another day at the office.
1 Samuel 26:8
“Abishai said to David, ‘Today God has delivered your enemy into your hands. Now let me pin him to the ground with one thrust of the spear; I won’t strike him twice.'”
The not-so-subtle “I won’t need a second attempt” boast makes this one of those funny quotes from bible that reveals the warrior mentality—Abishai was basically saying, “I don’t miss.”
1 Samuel 6:4 MSG
“They asked, ‘What guilt offering should we send back to him?’ The priests answered, ‘Five gold tumors and five gold rats, according to the number of the Philistine rulers, because the same plague has struck both you and your rulers.'”
Golden tumors as peace offerings—definitely one of the weirdest quotes from the bible that demonstrates unusual ancient customs.
1 Samuel 28:11-12, 18-19 MSG
“Then the woman said, ‘Whom shall I bring up for you?’ He said, ‘Bring up Samuel for me.’ When the woman saw Samuel, she cried out with a loud voice. And the woman said to Saul, ‘Why have you deceived me? You are Saul.’
Worse yet, God is turning Israel, along with you, over to the Philistines. Tomorrow you and your sons will be with me. And, yes, indeed, God is giving Israel’s army up to the Philistines.”
Commentary: This verse is so hilarious when you realize the above speech was made by the Spirit of Samuel from the other side of the living.
A medium gets more than she bargained for when an actual spirit shows up—and then delivers the worst news possible to King Saul. Talk about a séance gone wrong!
1 Samuel 17:43-44
“Am I a dog,” he roared at David, “that you come at me with a stick?” And he cursed David by the names of his gods. 44 “Come over here, and I’ll give your flesh to the birds and wild animals!” Goliath yelled.
Divine Rhetoric and Holy Comebacks
Isaiah 36:12 MSG
“But the commander said, ‘Do you think my master sent this message only to you and your master? He wants everyone in the city to hear it. The men will have to eat their own excrement and drink their own urine, just as you will.'”
Commentary: Personally, I find battle rhetorics and rants to be hilarious. The Commander of Syria forces at that time was going all out; trash-talking and banting Judah. He lost the battle anyway. This is quite similar to modern-day football banter.
Ancient trash talk at its finest—proving that humorous bible verses can include battlefield smack talk that would make modern sports fans blush.
Divine Moments and Miracles with Humor
Matthew 14:35
“And when the men of that place recognized Jesus, they sent word to all the surrounding country. People brought all their sick to him.”
What’s funny is what’s not said—Jesus probably just wanted a quiet day by the lake, and suddenly everyone and their sick relative shows up! Even the Son of God couldn’t catch a break.
Mark 9:2-3
“After six days Jesus took Peter, James and John with him and led them up a high mountain, where they were all alone. There he was transfigured before them. His clothes became dazzling white, whiter than anyone in the world could bleach them.”
Commentary: Jesus casually outperforms even the best laundry detergent!
There’s something delightfully funny about the Gospel writer being impressed not just by Jesus’s divine transformation but specifically by how impossibly white his clothes became—an ancient advertisement for divine laundry services!
Proverbs 21:19 MSG
“Better to live in a tent on the roof than share a mansion with a quarrelsome spouse.”
Some inspirational, funny bible quotes that remain eternally relevant! Sometimes solitude truly is better than constant arguing.
Proverbs 11:22 MSG
“Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful face on an empty head.”
Commentary: I comment my reserve. I don’t want any trouble.
Biblical shade thrown at prioritizing looks over intelligence—these funniest verses in the bible don’t hold back!
Acts 20:9-10 MSG
“Seated in a window was a young man named Eutychus. As Paul went on and on, Eutychus fell sound asleep and toppled out of the third-story window. When they picked him up, he was dead. Paul went down, stretched himself on him, and hugged him hard. ‘No more crying,’ he said. ‘There’s life in him yet.'”
Commentary: Eutychus falls asleep during Paul’s long and probably boring sermon. He ends up falling out of a window. He was bored to death literary.
One of the funniest bible stories that preachers should remember—even Paul could bore someone to death (literally) with his long sermons!
2 Kings 2:23 MSG
“Elisha left Jericho to go to Bethel. Along the way, some little kids came out of the town and taunted him, ‘What’s up, skinhead? Get lost, skinhead!'”
Commentary: So disrespectfully funny. This type of joke gets us unprepared at first. Then we try to keep a straight face after one or two snickers.
Biblical bullying at its finest—kids making fun of a prophet’s baldness in one of the most unexpected funny bible lines you’ll ever read.
Fun in the Bible: Finding Joy in Scripture
While the bible’s primary purpose is to communicate God’s salvific plan for mankind through Jesus, it contains a rich documentation of human experiences and divine interactions written using human intellectual abilities. It means we can find humor in it.
From weird quotes from the bible to funny scriptures that make you chuckle, there’s more humor in the bible than most people realize.
When we look at these bible verses about humor, we can see that God himself has a sense of humor. In these verses, we see a God who understands the absurdities of life and orchestrates avenues for humor.
These funny scripture passages also humanize biblical figures. They weren’t perfect—they argued about who was greatest, they fell asleep during sermons, they made excuses when caught doing wrong. They were, in many ways, just like us.
Wrapping up.
What a masterpiece the Bible is!
The Bible is an interesting piece of rich literature and not solely a collection of boring rules and concocted ideas, as many people falsely presume.
The humour in bible passages shows us that faith can be fun, relatable, and surprisingly down-to-earth.
We can delight in the Bible, especially as a natural overflow of its primary purpose; seeing Christ and receiving the salvation he offers.
I also want to ask you to extend this love by sharing the blog post with someone who loves or could love The Bible more. After all, seeing the witty verse side of scripture might just help someone connect with God’s word in a whole new way!
Did you find these Bible verses funny?
