Emotionally intelligent people are skillful with emotions. They can use emotions to create new and healthy environments or navigate existing ones without stepping on mine stones.
This is one reason why the entire law of God could be summed up in one word, Love. (Deut 6:5, Lev 19:18)
Jesus commands us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. (John 15:17, Matt 22:39)
But to love how Jesus does and expects us to, we would need a supply resource that is autonomous; not depending on us ie. The Holy Spirit.
As we live by the Spirit, following His instructions, we become creators of a world that is truly good.
In this post, I hope to use one stone to kill three birds.
The first is to teach you how to identify an emotionally intelligent person. Next, is to succinctly reveal to you how much you identify as one. The final aim is to make you privy to emotional intelligence in personal life.
How to identify an emotionally Intelligent person.
While it is ridiculously easy to identify heroes of the comical universe (except the Clark Kent-Superman alter ego), it is not the case with emotionally intelligent superheroes.
However, you don’t need to share questionnaires and sit in a lab conducting observations before you can identify an emotionally Intelligent person.
It would only take a conscious look into our interactions with one another to spot the subtle traits of an emotionally intelligent person.
8 Habits of emotionally intelligent people.
So what do we look out for in order to identify an emotionally intelligent person?
Their fruits.
Because of the correlation between emotional intelligence and personality, we can identify emotionally intelligent people by their habitual actions.
Here are 8 things emotionally intelligent people tend to do;
1. They make people feel heard.
Humans are emotional beings. Not only do they feel stuff, but they can also be moved to do things such as to speak out.
When people speak up they expect the audience to understand where they are and where they are coming from.
Emotionally intelligent people tend to listen to a person making his or her thoughts known.
2. They are quick to forgive.
A characteristic trait of love is that it forgives (1 Cor 13:5).
The habitual practice of forgiveness is a testament to the presence of God’s love inside of us.
The one who loves right keeps no record of wrongs.
Emotionally intelligent people tend to lay aside previous grievances and transgression. Beware, it doesn’t necessitate a restoration of the relationship.
3. They do not overly criticize
Knowing what humanity is, perfection is far off. One is required to do a lot of “letting off the leash”.
An emotionally intelligent person believes in second chances.
They’ll peaceably articulate any ill feelings rather than allow them to fester and cause friction.
Emotionally intelligent people prioritize relationships over deeds and misdeeds.
4. They always know what true value is and where it lies.
We value what we love or what we are emotionally attached to.
Love gives weight to what we value. And so it is important that our priorities are right.
With the right perspective, we value others when we love them.
Emotionally intelligent people tend to appreciate others. Plus, they ask questions that show that they care and they provide emotional support if need be.
5. They can be outright vulnerable.
An emotionally intelligent person knows where his strengths and weaknesses lie.
And when faced with limitations, he’d be sure to speak up and enlist help because he knows he can’t.
No one can do life on his own.
6. They’re all about respect and cooperation.
Emotional intelligent persons use a cognitive function called harmony.
It is a way they assess the situation in front of them.
They seek out friends, not competition and opponents.
They don’t cancel they find solutions. “How could you?” becomes “How can we?”.
7. They are thoughtful.
An emotionally intelligent person is proficient in handling what is going on and also what will go on.
They take the initiative towards ensuring that the environment and the way resident people experience it, is nothing short of convenient.
They show proactiveness by removing anything that can distort the wholesomeness of an environment.
8. They have finely established boundaries.
In as much as they are proactive in keeping the emotional communication ongoing, they know when to stop.
Using Authencity, they don’t defy their boundaries.
Does this feel right to me? If not, I am doing something about it.
Emotionally intelligent people are also aware of other existing boundaries and respect them.
2 Examples of emotional intelligence in personal life
We can go on and on with the traits of an emotionally intelligent person. But we don’t want to miss the lessons and insights that are buried in the treasure trove of stories and real-world examples.
The Good Samaritan
We all, at least, know the fine details of the story of the good samaritan; Man, Jerusalem, Jericho, robbery, Priest, Levite, a good foreigner, a donkey, and an inn.
But before we dive into the meaning of this parable, let’s see how this story is applicable in recent times.
You are headed back home for the holidays. You take one too many turns into the wrong block and you get jumped by an armed gang. Held at gunpoint, The pilot of the cartel says,
“Aye, you better corporate now, you don’t wanna see what this gun do.
Run the Rolex, phone, wallet, and Jordans.
Oh, you’re thinking about it.”
Gbam! boom! Gbas Gbos! Before you know it, you’re on the floor holding unto nothing but the thread of your life.
This world had dealt a wicked blow through the cold hands of men. It got increasingly colder with the experience of abandonment and estrangement as people coldheartedly passed by or stopped only for media capture.
Then came a helper, a deliverer, and a savior.
The parable of the good samaritan is about Jesus. He came into this world but was rejected by mankind. A stranger to his own creation. Yet, driven by love, he subjects himself to suffering and forever settled the debts of sin you could not pay. Then he gives you his righteousness, the riding pass to the father in whom there is safety and aid.
Source: The Good Samaritan by Abigail of God’s Grace
A slap that echoed around the world.
The 94th Academy award show was scheduled to hold on the 28th of March 2022 by 1:00 am WAT.
As the event was live and cameras rolling, movie star Will Smith smacked stand-up comedian Chris Rock in the face. An action that was provoked by a callous joke on Will’s wife, Jada.
A classic example of an emotional hijack. Attention narrows, thoughts reshuffle and the body goes into fight or flight mode.
However, realizing that his actions were unacceptable, he took to apologize to Chris Rock on his Instagram page the next day.
A world of love and kindness would need more than one set of hands to build. It would take a collective effort.
Chris Rock didn’t retaliate when he was hit.
Prior to the apology, Chris Rock was called by LAPD and asked if he would like to press charges. He declined.
Finally, he bought into Smith’s vision by refusing to onboard him unto the full wrath of the law.
EI quizzes on emotional intelligence in personal life
I love quizzes (only when I am the one creating them).
They help to elucidate areas of strengths and areas that call for improvement and in this case help you become a better emotionally intelligent person.
Below are casual quiz questions on emotional intelligence in personal life.
Scenario #1
Teju lost his dad to a ghastly motor accident on the 9th of June 2020. It was a rainy day, the clouds were dark, and due to impaired vision, his dad rammed into a traffic pole and skidded into a nearby river. Unconscious and trapped, He drowned.
Three years later, Teju turns 28 and lives with his mom.
One rainy Wednesday, Teju’s mom said to him, “Drive to the supermarket and get a few supplies for me.”
As He was returning home, a pedestrian student with a cane waved him to slow down so as to not be splashed with water.
Teju slows down and after passing, He heard this SS 3 prefect hurl insulting, derogatory comments at him about his father.
He slams the break and has a 3-second window to assess the situation.
If you were Teju what is your next course of action?
Scenario #2
Tamar, Teju’s twin sister, shares a two-bedroom apartment with her neighbor, Sapphire.
One of the toilet systems in their apartment is decommissioned due to a lack of proper maintenance. As a tentative solution, the Landlord rules that the other toilet is accessible to both tenants and tags the task of repairing the faulty toilet as a low priority.
Sapphire has resided in the building way before Tamar moved in. So being an expressive kind of person, she orientated Tamar on the usage of the toilet.
Tamar is not only introverted, she is also sickle-celled. She subscribes to the rules and obligations as she is also big on personal hygiene.
Fast forward three months and it would seem as though Sapphire isn’t true to her preachment. She has grown lax and has left most of the duties to Tamar. She explains to Tamar that she doesn’t have much time due to studies and other social responsibilities.
Tamar is growing resentful. She can’t afford a new place and she can’t afford to fall ill either.
As Tamar, what is your next course of action?
Instructions for Emotional intelligence Quiz
Here’s what I want you to do;
- In the comments section, give two responses to each case scenario
- what would you do normally?
- what you would do as an emotionally intelligent person? (if they both align, clearly state so)
- Assess other people’s answers and give rich feedback on what you think about them.
See you in the comments sections.
It is when we consistently put out interactions that come from a heart of love that we slowly, process by process, moment after moment, shape this world into the utopian dream we desperately want to live in.
Chieflings
